Sick. Just Plain Sick. Or…Acceptance and Surrender. Part 1

I have been sick since January 7 or so. Full blown all out sick, fever, flu, cold, bronchial junk, whole 9 yards. At first I relaxed into it, but then the discomfort overcame any relaxing I was doing. I have not been this sick in years.  Thought I was getting better, took off for a great weekend with beloved old friends, bonded, reminisced, laughed.  Came home and relapsed back into the sick zone.

It is JANUARY 23rd!!!

It is a new year, not only is it new but it is POST 2012 and we didn’t perish in the Mayan Apocolypse that I was so certain of for years! I am ecstatic! I want to dance a jig!

I had all sorts of plans. New Years resolutions, intentions, exercise and yoga plans for every day of the week! Meditating every morning.  Create a big social network.  Learn salsa dancing! Make daily blog posts. Go to the studio and make art 5 days a week.  You get the idea.

I haven’t done a thing.  Not only have I not done a thing but I’ve beat myself up and ripped myself a new one over my lack of accomplishments.

The negative self talk has been fairly extreme.  So tonight, I managed to drag my sorry ass off to yoga with my dear teacher Britt, who had some time to spend with me before class. We talked about real stuff, got into it quick and the lightbulb went off.  Maybe, just maybe… this is exactly what was supposed to happen. Maybe it’s just ok to be sick, make Corey dinner, REST, watch the rain,  watch the Blazers, the Lakers , the Miami Heat, or whoever is playing tonight and curl up with a bowl of Ragu Pasta by the fire.

and its OK.

I don’t have to make 100 new friends this month, do 40 yoga classes,  or hurl myself into anything else except for maybe my bed or the couch. Horizontal for sure.

So tonight, that is exactly what I did.  Phew. Best night in weeks. Even feeling sick.

Thanks Britt.                                                                                                                                        Om.

RaguMade the perfect Ragu Bolognese this time.  Perfectly silky, slippery, scivoloso.  I guess I did accomplish something in my misery.

IMG_6544Can you believe this pasta is gluten free? Looks like the real thing, even tastes like it if you squint or whatever the equivalent gustatory pretend perception would be.

IMG_6539IMG_6542Yes, this is me. Watching a Blazer’s game. I watch them all now. Every night. Stranger things have happened. If you know me well, you know that first I never sit still long enough to watch anything except maybe Dexter and Homeland and Fringe. But a Blazer game? Very unusual behavior indeed.Not heading out for any big events tonight.

No sir-ee.  This is just fine.

Acceptance and surrender. The big E-tickets in my book.  Stay tuned for Part 2.

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18 Responses to Sick. Just Plain Sick. Or…Acceptance and Surrender. Part 1

  1. subarim says:

    Hi Stacey, thank you for sharing your life and thoughts with us. It’s so wonderful. It’s great that you are now able to show up in our group – wonderful pictures. Like you, I think that being sick and accepting it, is very important to get healthy from the deep side.

    Get well soon.

    Warmly, Susanne

  2. subarim says:

    Hi Stacey, thank you for sharing your life and thoughts with us. I liked reading your post, looking at those wonderful pictures. Like you, I think that being sick and accepting it, is very important to become healthy – from the deep side. Get well soon!

    Love, Susanne

  3. leewilliamsdemming says:

    Well done.
    I really liked the ‘tone’ of your post, what a great start.
    I’m a little bit envious to tell you the truth, as i’m not quite there yet.

    • iheardmyself says:

      Thank you!! You will get there-and so will we all… Ive been doing this off and on for 4 years…I look at everyone else that does it regularly and has a bizillion followers and think the same thing.

  4. Susan Moray says:

    It’s refreshing and so helpful to hear of another’s struggle. Really! Your vulnerability inspires me to be honest about my own, Stacey. Thank you. Sending healing thoughts your way. Now you send that recipe mine!

  5. iztarr says:

    Hi Stacey, I loved your post too. I can so relate to what you are saying and it made me laugh when you said “I don’t have to make 100 friends this month, do 40 yoga classes….” I do the same kind of thing to myself and I need to learn to just be as well. Get well soon! Iris

  6. Steph A Edwards says:

    Love this post – sniffles and all.

  7. chrysalis60 says:

    Hi Stacey,
    Lovely post. My mouth is still watering over your photo from dinner. Acceptance is such a valuable lesson and at this stage in my life I’m noticing how I sometimes have to be hit over the head with a 2×4 before I’ll recognize that need to simply let go and accept.

    • iheardmyself says:

      That is so true, isnt it…I do need a dramaatic attention getting device to slow down. 3 years ago, I broke my foot charging off a step to the grass below,,,just at the wrong angle…i was clear about the message and lesson then but when i got better, i charged off again…

  8. Anita says:

    I adore your blog! 🙂

  9. Moira says:

    I don’t think you’re alone on this one. 2013 has been doing this for lots of folks — you’re just one of the few brave enough to fess up! I think doing nothing sometimes is mandatory. It’s your body’s way of saying, “Slow down. You move too fast . . . . ” You get the idea. One time I spent three weeks in Fiji hanging in a hammock reading potboilers and bad romances. No cell phones, no internet. After the first few addiction withdrawal symptoms — it was smooth sailing. When I came home, my mother told me I looked 10 years younger! Really? I wonder what I must look like the rest of the time. But anyway, just keep on chilling. No one’s keeping score, Stace, except you.

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